Epilogue

Well children,

I have been eating solid food for two days now. I have eaten mostly fruit and vegetables, and one tuna sandwich. The bread from the tuna made me sick. So it is with a fully fed and energized spirit that I say that the cleanse has produced amazing results for me. I have no cravings for junk food, or coffee like before. The thought of eating bread makes me want to vomit. I have had no animal products, cheese, milk, etc., save a little tuna fish. I have been drinking only water and fresh juice. I feel great! Now if only there were no cancer-causing agents in the drinking water I would be set. More than anything this has given me back my ability to taste natural flavors of things and enjoy them without the help of dips, dressings, and the like. So I have officially completed not ten but fifteen days, and I plan to do this again come the new year. So this is me officially signing off, it has been fun, and good luck.

7:30 pm

---N

day fifteen

Hello,

So here I am, still standing. I have been drinking OJ now, fresh orange juice to be exact. I must have had seven 10 oz glasses yesterday. For my next feat, I will eat...vegetables! Yes sir, I will begin to eat solid food again today. I might have also had a fresh mixed vegetable juice from liquiteria yesterday as well. I figured that juice is juice right? Well my body started in with the stomach noises by the time I got home from the city. No saltwater today! What a relief. Also my tongue is mostly pink, meaning I should have stayed on this thing longer. I might just do it again in three or four months though, so no worries. I look foward to the day when I can have a baked ziti slice. Also my body has had zero in the way of carbs and protein the last two weeks. There was sugars in the maple syrup but certainly not enough to be considered extra. So it is calling out for some bread beans or some kind of starch. Well it is poker night again, wish me luck.

11:58 am

---N

day fourteen

Hey peoples,

So here I am. Day fourteen already. I have my last saltwater sitting beside me today. Have yet to start on it. I did start an excellent book yesterday. "Wild Sheep Chase" by Murakami. It had me up all night, reading into deliriousness. I love when books get you like that. So it is with a sad heart that this thing is beginning to come to a close. This blog was even linked to an online newspaper called theissue.com in the "musings" section for its humor. I just found out myself yesterday, thanks, issue. We have had highs and lows and poops. I have lost weight and my face cleared up, I even avoided sickness while not eating the whole two weeks. I was hoping to do twenty days, maybe next time. This has been a sometimes rough but largely positive experience, I do recommend it to everyone. I feel great and now I will begin to break the fast. I am condensing the break period though. Instead of drinking OJ for two days, I will be on juice for only one day, today. Then tomorrow I will have a little soup with tons of veggies and some rice. Then on wed I will begin to eat raw fruits and vegetables. Thursday I will begin to eat normally. Which I have decided will be vegetarian, mostly raw, with the exception of seafood, I will still enjoy maritime delicacies. Okay, so I am six ounces into my saltwater at this point. I have quite a bit of work to do. Why is it I can not motivate myself on Monday? That is it for today kids. Have a great week. I will still be posting the next few days so stay tuned.

2:15 pm

---N

day thirteen winds down

Hey,

So yeah, thirteen days now. I skipped the saltwater this morning because I was being rushed to a baby shower. Yawn. No place for guys the baby shower. There is no reasoning with your live-in girlfriend when appearances at social functions are involved. This day went on smoothly as far as diets are concerned. I have decided to begin to break the fast tomorrow. Then two days of juice only, and the third day I can begin to eat solid foods again, raw fruits and vegetables. The breaking of the fast must be done a certain way, if you just haul off and eat a bag of donuts or something you will get sick. The idea is to slowly re-introduce your system to breaking down and digesting solid foods again. So I will fast one more day, then begin to break the fast. Eating will still not happen for three days. So if you are keeping score, it is like fasting for sixteen days. Not too bad really.

8:52 pm

---N

dirty dozen

Twelve days strong,

Hey poop fans! So here I am business as usual, If you would have seen how much poop came out this morning, you would know why I am still cleanse/fasting. Eat something already, you say. But I am bound to see this thing through to the end. I am about to drink some saltwater, then on to whole foods to replenish my supplies. I have saved a bundle in grocery bills. Food is expensive. Apart from my poop filled adventure things are moving along nicely. I was disciplined enough to work all week with little distractions. This resulted in my finishing a couple projects I had simmering. One is a cover for a compilation album that will be released by eyeball records, it is a charity record hoping to raise awareness about suicide prevention. I am also putting the finishing touches on some package design for TIMEX for their new watch brand releasing next year. So I have been a busy boy. This diet has not slowed me down one bit. Things are good and I am reminded that I am a blessed man. A thankful one at that.

11:02 am

---N

day eleven

You heard right people!

As I sit here, saltwater in hand, there is a dim grey hued light peeking through the curtains. The rain brings with it a few blessings, a cool and a calm that hushes an otherwise belligerent neighborhood. This is day eleven of the hunger strike. I figured what is one more day at this point. Consulting the book I found that the clear indicator that the body has detoxified is a clean pink tongue. My tongue is not. Also the mornings are flush. So I press on. The will is steeled. My resolve set. A few more days will be no sweat. I will eat again, just not for a few more days.

1:09 pm

---N

day ten arrives

Hello people!

Day ten is here and I am in no hurry to drink 32oz of saltwater. I hope this has been a wonderful learning experience for us all. I want to continue this diet, but I fear the urge to eat again is growing quite strong. I have totally tired of lemonade by now. So I am still on the fence, but the breeze is beginning to blow, moving both me and the fence in a gentle swaying motion. Poker night was last night. I caught a wave of frozen cards, and there were ringers, so I lost. Winning teaches a man nothing however, and losing can illicit great knowledge. What did I learn last night? Trust your instincts. Well I will begin my flush here shortly and then on to work. It was your usual morning for me so far. That begs the question if ending this now would be premature. Well, for today I am still on this thing, so we shall see what tomorrow brings. You will be the first to know.

10:31 am

---N

day nine?

Wow,

Day nine already!?! I can hardly believe it. I have on almost every post talked about how this was no big deal and such. I think putting any habit on pause takes a certain degree of mental readiness and preparation. The more vital the habit the more difficult. As with anything else, realistic expectations will only serve to assist in the successful execution of ones goals. This should be done if one wishes to cleanse and reset your body. Give your organs a chance to catch up with the constant stream of cigarettes, beer, and chicken wings. They will thank you in the long run. The mornings of the past few days have produced more and more. I have not eaten any solid food in nine days and I still have plenty o' poop. Well on to the next day. I have been toying with the idea of staying on the diet past ten days, I also grow weary of lemonade and wish to begin eating again. So I am on the fence. Time will tell.

2:13 pm

---N

day eight

Hello,

Day eight begins. I have not yet had my saltwater and already I am expelling nastiness. I am wondering if stopping at ten days would be wise, considering what I have been getting rid of in the past few days, it seems like exactly why I started this thing in the first place. Anyway, first a disclaimer. If you are one of those people who seem to get annoyed easily, perhaps even cranky and snippy, then this diet might not be for you. My girlfriend, as lovely as she is, has been incredibly cranky and curt. The no food thing has wore on her to the point that we have been barely speaking the past few days, which is far from ordinary for us. I keep urging her to break the fast and begin to eat again, but I feel that she secretly wants to keep up with me. Which is great, but at who's expense? Needless to say that if you do not really want to do something like this, or if you do not think you can, perhaps you should listen to yourself and spare your loved ones grief.
Apart from that, I am doing great! Still trucking on my way to ten. Which might become twelve or fifteen. I am going to get some saltwater now, and then on with my day. Cheers.

10:55 am

---N

food is for pussies!

Day seven!

Alright so day seven is here and it is business as usual, just finishing up the saltwater now (woke up late) Then I will continue with my day. I have a few more days to go, and I will decide how many more days I will continue on. I feel awesome! I totally dropped my gut, and I feel cleaner and more able, not sluggish at all, like when I was a kid and had energy to spare.


2:32pm


---N

day six ends

Hey kids,

So day six is all but over. Food urges were high today. Patience levels low. Annoyances high. Energy Low. I consumed less lemonade today than any other, a low low five glasses. My senses have increased their sensitivity to the degree that I could smell what you had for breakfast if I were to meet you. With the cigarettes, putrid garbage and the body odors, I realized quickly that a heightened sense of smell is not that advantageous in New York City. Especially when one takes public transport everywhere, you owe me environment. Apart from that though I am still going strong. Day seven rapidly approaches, and I welcome it.

12:30am

---N

p.s. - I saw the simpsons movie tonight and it was worth the eleven dollars ;)

day six!

Well, well, well
Officially over the hump. On the way down the other side. Today even more than yesterday I am having all manner of things starting to come out. Especially in the morning after the saltwater. Which has been the case the whole way through. For about a two hour period after the saltwater each morning you have to exercise extreme caution, stay close to the bathroom. Then that stops and you are good for the rest of the day. I have given some thought as to how long I am going to stay on this regimen. I have decided that as long as I have waste being eliminated, I will continue. So this might go past day ten. We shall see. Thus far I have been drinking about eight glasses of lemonade a day. Which is right in the suggestion of six to twelve. I have had cravings for food come at me sporadically the past few days. Which are quelled by a gulp of lemonade. I actually tended bar last night and had plenty of energy for it. I was thoroughly exhausted afterwards however. It has grown a bit more difficult as time has gone on. So this is certainly a challenge, but not an unmanageable one.

2:12 pm

---N

day five

Hey kids.
Well I have made it this far. That is a feat in of its own. This mornings business was the most severe so far. I am just having my salt water now. Got a late start today. Anyway things are going as planned. The body is still forcing out the yucky stuff every morning. Where is all this stuff coming from? This is every piece of undigested food stuff since I was three. Gross.

3:13 pm

---N

end of day four

Hello there. It is eleven-thirty in New York City. Rain has just come down in sheets, and now there is a small latino man across the street screaming about who knows what. I do know that he has been talking for the past five minutes only stopping to breathe. So annoying. Apart from that I feel good. I am in the middle of watching "The Astronaut Farmer" every now and again I enjoy the big budget studio film, plus it is slim picking at the local movie rental joint. So here I am working a little, watching a flick, typing. I feel good on this diet. Tiring of the lemonade is an obvious malady right? I mean eat the any one thing for ten days straight and you will tire of it. Besides the morning when I am in the throes of salt water explosions. This ain't so bad. Nothing I cannot handle anyway. In the sense of the actual cleansing going on, I have not seen anything crazy come out of me yet. I will let you know when I do. One thing I have noticed is that four days have gone by with out one solid meal, and there is still plenty coming out in the mornings. So where is all this crap coming from? One cannot help but wonder. I do not consider myself that toxic either, what would come out of you?

11:44 pm

---N

late entry

My apologies poop fans,
I have been lax in my duties. For good reason though. The past few nights I have had trouble sleeping. Partly because of my girlfriend hogging the bed, partly because of the heat, and lastly because my body is like what the fuck is going on. So for the past two days I have slept a total of six hours. So this morning around 3 am I was up with nothing to do. I suppose I could have written something then, but I was not feeling it. Anyway, after a movie and some peppermint tea, I drank my saltwater. Then peed from my asshole for an hour. The bowl closely resembling a Jackson Pollock. (by now the gloves are off) And at about 8am I crashed out, waking around 2:30pm. Some much needed catch up. Throughout this adventure I have been forced out of bed at odd, and often early hours. So I am used to it. Last night though, odd cravings and thoughts were a popping. I cannot get this image of a baked ziti slice out of my mind. I have turned to just focusing on work. I figure since I need to get my mind off the random cravings and such. This is day four and I suspect once I hit the half way point, the second half will be downhill. Here is to hope. I have been answering messages for the last hour or so. The diet is not so tough. There are moments when dizziness and disarray threaten to set in. They are easily thwarted by a glass or two of the special lemonade. The saltwater thing is no fun. When accepted as important part of the cleansing process however, it makes sense. You have to push out all the toxic stuff out somehow. Speaking of the lemonade. The recipe is pretty basic.

2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon juice
2 tablespoons grade B maple syrup (real, not maple flavored corn syrup)
1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper
10 oz spring water

The idea is that you get all the nutrients you need from both the lemon juice and the maple syrup. Both are extremely vitamin rich, quite a bit of minerality in the syrup too, it does come from the ground essentially. The cayenne pepper acts both as a hemiostat and in breaking up of mucus, lowers blood pressure as well. There you have it. The magic elixir. You receive the carbs you need from the sugars in the maple syrup, and the acid in the lemons turn to alkaline in the body so there is no worry of acid reflux or other adverse effects.

Now I am feeling refreshed. I have a renewed vigor for this endeavor. Day four is winding down andI am looking forward to tomorrow.

6:30pm (est)

---N

Hello again

It is almost eight now. I am over writing this thing. I guess I am just bored. Day three is winding down. It was not so tough. The morning was a little rough, but otherwise no different. I wonder where it goes from here. I am feeling largely indifferent. There are moments when I want to eat and moments when I do not. I remind myself of the cleansing benefits and I am alright. As I was walking down the street just now there was a pregnant puerto rican girl shouting to her family on the stoop, every other phrase was "white bitch." Then quick to look at me as I passed , hoping to illicit a response. I suppose the natives grow restless and tire of the constant gentrification that has swallowed the boroughs. I suppose that just like any swarm of immigrants, this swarm (made up of displaced, mostly white, middle class wannabe hipsters) must deal with its share of backlash. As I passed the thought of my sweet girlfriend having to deal with this kind of ugliness made my stomach turn, or perhaps that was just the cleanse diet. Two things come to mind, one - avoid loud ignorant people, two - never let that type of person pull you into their world, it is most likely a shitty one. Plus, if I was "The Man" that everyone refers to that is keeping them down, would I live in this neighborhood with the roaches and the cat pee smell?

No.

7:57 pm

---N

day three

After my brackish breakfast beverage, my backside seemed a portal from another dimension. Nah, just kidding, I have always wanted to begin some prose with that sentence. In all seriousness however, this morning was perhaps my most unpleasant. Slight cramping and stomach aches kept me flushing for a good hour. Nothing painful mind you, just a bit more severe than previous days. Fear not my reader, my will is not swayed so easily. There will be more entries for garish eyes to devour. I also take this opportunity to apologize to you readers if you find these subjects to be unsettling. Then again a blog about colon cleansing might not be the obvious choice for the squeamish.
Let us stray from the subject for a brief moment or two. If you have been reading along with me since the beginning, you will remember me mentioning my not having energy to be annoyed. This has held true with one exception...the abomination known as "reggaeton." This is quite possibly the lowest one can go on the musical totem pole. Beneath the "crash test dummies" and "master p" all that hip hop crap, beneath "toad the wet sprocket" and "asia" you will find this whole genre, festering and pustulating with the old cigarette butts, dog hair and dirty wet leaves that you forgot to rake three summers ago. No where is this blight more concentrated than right were I live, in the armpit of Brooklyn, Bushwick. Perhaps I did not stray too far from the subject after all, I mean I am talking about excrement here. (Hiiiii-Ohhhhh!) (rimshot)

11:21 am

---N

morning day three

Thanks to a boisterous and buzzer happy mail man, I was awakened at 7:30 am. I have not woken up before noon since I was in high school. There are few things as important to me as a serene awakening, I believe it sets the tone for the day. It is imperative. Regardless I am here, chattering away on the keyboard. This is day three, and in moments I will be awash in saltwater. From here on is where things become more interesting in my book. We have left shallow water and are swimming dutifully towards ravenousness. I actually do my best to postpone the salt water flush each morning, by sleeping in or writing about it, but in the end I am always 32oz heavier. On a good note however it looks as though I have sold another illustration, so that has brightened my spirits. The deeper you go the higher you fly.

the second day ends

Hi there, it is about half past midnight. I type, then to the stove to heat the water. As the tea steeps, I will wash up for bed.
This second day was not difficult for me. It was far more taxing on my girlfriend. She was weak and listless. I seemed to have energy to spare. I even went out into the world, Wednesday is my league pool night. I hung out with no qualms, there was the occasional mild headache, or waft of food smell, but all in all it was not too bad. Watching people stuff their faces can be hard if you let it. When you see the junk they eat, it is not too difficult to rationalize your cravings back into the corner and go on drinking your lemonade.
As far as the eliminations are concerned, this mostly just happens in the morning. After the saltwater there is a period of a couple of hours where you spend most of your time in the loo. Again though this is expected, I mean the salt water has to come out somewhere. 32oz on an empty stomach after having a laxative before bed the previous night does not leave much to the imagination.
My body is starting to feel even better. I have noticed I feel lighter. I sprinted the 400 meter to the train like an olympian. I feel great already, I look forward to the rest of this cleanse. I can imagine how great I will feel towards the end. Again I hope that the eighth, ninth, and tenth days are as easy as the first two.

waking up for day two

Salt water is not delicious! Here I am again, drinking 32oz of salt water. I do not drink 32 oz of anything, let alone this crap. So again I am closing my eyes and thinking soup broth. That helps. My girlfriend was feeling very proud of herself last night having completed day one. I am of the opinion that we have not even started the difficult part yet. I would imagine that day one your body is still happy living off the stored calories. You just ate like twelve hours ago. Come day four or five, when you are far from the shore of mastication, your stomach is a gurgling fist and you have the bowel and bladder control of an eighty year old. Then we see what we are made of. As I type here I am almost half way through my breakfast. I am excited to see results though. I have heard of people dropping up to thirty pounds on this thing. I am not in it for the weight loss, but when I see my stomach muscles again I will not be complaining. The health benefits are untold. This diet helps soothe ulcers, cure allergies, clear skin, not to mention revitalize kidneys livers and colons. Apart from that, it provides an exercise in monastic discipline. Your cravings go away. Your cravings for smoke, drink, junk food. They melt away. You must be ready though, mentally. There is no forcing your way. It must be something you want. I sound like I am selling AmWay or something. Ha, anyway, after reading the book it just made sense to me. When something feels right, I am all the way into it.