UFO

hello all.

so here we are. the twenty first century. we are still wondering about life on other planets.
I am to the point where I will not even give you the song and dance about how ignorant you are if you do not think there is life elsewhere in the universe. I think your beer dispensing hat says it all.

whats up with that texas bit huh?
if you did not hear yet, google ufo/texas. you will see.
so pretty much a whole town sees a ufo.
i spoiled it for you.

the reason why I am writing though. not the ufo, i mean wow but no. not that.
i am writing in reference to the governments response.
they said it was sunlight reflecting off of two airliners.
ha!
this happened at night mind you.
and two airliners are just flying side by side, hanging out.
it is like, c'mon government!
just spill the beans.
say you have no clue what that was just like the rest of us.
tell the truth for once in your miserable career.
we are all grown up, we can handle it.
tell us about all the aliens.
c'mon.
what, do you think we are gonna stop paying your salary?
i mean could we even if we wanted to?


---N

Things NOT to say to a VEGAN pt.1!

1. How do you get your protein?

Listen, how all of a sudden, are you, the moron who eats McDonalds and has 40k worth of debt, a nutritionist? There is protein in every fruit and vegetable. There is protein in all life. In fact, if it were not for protein, nothing would exist. Protein is the exoskeleton of all cellular construction. You are an idiot.

2. But animals eat other animals, it is natural.

Okay, so now you are a wildlife expert too? When the closest thing to wildlife you see is certain parts of Brooklyn, you can shut it. In all your many hours of animal planet and discovery channel you have so wisely invested, you may have noticed that all the animals that eat other animals are either scavengers, or lethargic to the point of sloth. Sleeping days, weeks, and months. So there.

3. I like the taste of meat, I could never give that up.

So, you like to eat dead bodies? I mean, man just invented words like pork, and beef. It is in actuality, flesh. Flesh of dead animals. Gross, right? Think about your dog and/or cat from your childhood. Looking into its eyes and petting it. Then imagine hitting in the head with a hammer. Slicing open its stomach letting all its blood and entrails spill out. Scraping the remaining organs out of its ribcage with your hands. Skinning it. Thats right, removing its skin with a knife. Cutting off its head, tail, and feet. Cracking apart its ribcage. Cutting its hind quarters off, splitting them. Shall I continue? This is the send off you give any animal you put in your mouth. You support this on a massive scale, every time you purchase some 'meat.' Not to mention the deforestation and precious natural resources used to raise animals for the abattoir. Imagine if it were socially acceptable to eat dog or cat. Would you eat yours?

that is all for today.
class dismissed.
you think about what you have learned next time you pick up your fork.


---N

Baked Potato Feet

Ladies!

Allow me to let you in on something not so secret. There are still a few of you clinging to the past. For the purposes of this entry I am speaking solely of footwear known as UGG's. Please stop. Burn them. They are hideous. You missed the boat on this. Give it up. That was a couple years ago at least. Do not say "I do not care what is trendy, I just want to be comfortable." Sorry, but in this case you are wrong. Just stop. Please stop.