Hello there. It is eleven-thirty in New York City. Rain has just come down in sheets, and now there is a small latino man across the street screaming about who knows what. I do know that he has been talking for the past five minutes only stopping to breathe. So annoying. Apart from that I feel good. I am in the middle of watching "The Astronaut Farmer" every now and again I enjoy the big budget studio film, plus it is slim picking at the local movie rental joint. So here I am working a little, watching a flick, typing. I feel good on this diet. Tiring of the lemonade is an obvious malady right? I mean eat the any one thing for ten days straight and you will tire of it. Besides the morning when I am in the throes of salt water explosions. This ain't so bad. Nothing I cannot handle anyway. In the sense of the actual cleansing going on, I have not seen anything crazy come out of me yet. I will let you know when I do. One thing I have noticed is that four days have gone by with out one solid meal, and there is still plenty coming out in the mornings. So where is all this crap coming from? One cannot help but wonder. I do not consider myself that toxic either, what would come out of you?
11:44 pm
---N
Friday, August 3, 2007
late entry
My apologies poop fans,
I have been lax in my duties. For good reason though. The past few nights I have had trouble sleeping. Partly because of my girlfriend hogging the bed, partly because of the heat, and lastly because my body is like what the fuck is going on. So for the past two days I have slept a total of six hours. So this morning around 3 am I was up with nothing to do. I suppose I could have written something then, but I was not feeling it. Anyway, after a movie and some peppermint tea, I drank my saltwater. Then peed from my asshole for an hour. The bowl closely resembling a Jackson Pollock. (by now the gloves are off) And at about 8am I crashed out, waking around 2:30pm. Some much needed catch up. Throughout this adventure I have been forced out of bed at odd, and often early hours. So I am used to it. Last night though, odd cravings and thoughts were a popping. I cannot get this image of a baked ziti slice out of my mind. I have turned to just focusing on work. I figure since I need to get my mind off the random cravings and such. This is day four and I suspect once I hit the half way point, the second half will be downhill. Here is to hope. I have been answering messages for the last hour or so. The diet is not so tough. There are moments when dizziness and disarray threaten to set in. They are easily thwarted by a glass or two of the special lemonade. The saltwater thing is no fun. When accepted as important part of the cleansing process however, it makes sense. You have to push out all the toxic stuff out somehow. Speaking of the lemonade. The recipe is pretty basic.
2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon juice
2 tablespoons grade B maple syrup (real, not maple flavored corn syrup)
1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper
10 oz spring water
The idea is that you get all the nutrients you need from both the lemon juice and the maple syrup. Both are extremely vitamin rich, quite a bit of minerality in the syrup too, it does come from the ground essentially. The cayenne pepper acts both as a hemiostat and in breaking up of mucus, lowers blood pressure as well. There you have it. The magic elixir. You receive the carbs you need from the sugars in the maple syrup, and the acid in the lemons turn to alkaline in the body so there is no worry of acid reflux or other adverse effects.
Now I am feeling refreshed. I have a renewed vigor for this endeavor. Day four is winding down andI am looking forward to tomorrow.
6:30pm (est)
---N
I have been lax in my duties. For good reason though. The past few nights I have had trouble sleeping. Partly because of my girlfriend hogging the bed, partly because of the heat, and lastly because my body is like what the fuck is going on. So for the past two days I have slept a total of six hours. So this morning around 3 am I was up with nothing to do. I suppose I could have written something then, but I was not feeling it. Anyway, after a movie and some peppermint tea, I drank my saltwater. Then peed from my asshole for an hour. The bowl closely resembling a Jackson Pollock. (by now the gloves are off) And at about 8am I crashed out, waking around 2:30pm. Some much needed catch up. Throughout this adventure I have been forced out of bed at odd, and often early hours. So I am used to it. Last night though, odd cravings and thoughts were a popping. I cannot get this image of a baked ziti slice out of my mind. I have turned to just focusing on work. I figure since I need to get my mind off the random cravings and such. This is day four and I suspect once I hit the half way point, the second half will be downhill. Here is to hope. I have been answering messages for the last hour or so. The diet is not so tough. There are moments when dizziness and disarray threaten to set in. They are easily thwarted by a glass or two of the special lemonade. The saltwater thing is no fun. When accepted as important part of the cleansing process however, it makes sense. You have to push out all the toxic stuff out somehow. Speaking of the lemonade. The recipe is pretty basic.
2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon juice
2 tablespoons grade B maple syrup (real, not maple flavored corn syrup)
1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper
10 oz spring water
The idea is that you get all the nutrients you need from both the lemon juice and the maple syrup. Both are extremely vitamin rich, quite a bit of minerality in the syrup too, it does come from the ground essentially. The cayenne pepper acts both as a hemiostat and in breaking up of mucus, lowers blood pressure as well. There you have it. The magic elixir. You receive the carbs you need from the sugars in the maple syrup, and the acid in the lemons turn to alkaline in the body so there is no worry of acid reflux or other adverse effects.
Now I am feeling refreshed. I have a renewed vigor for this endeavor. Day four is winding down andI am looking forward to tomorrow.
6:30pm (est)
---N
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Hello again
It is almost eight now. I am over writing this thing. I guess I am just bored. Day three is winding down. It was not so tough. The morning was a little rough, but otherwise no different. I wonder where it goes from here. I am feeling largely indifferent. There are moments when I want to eat and moments when I do not. I remind myself of the cleansing benefits and I am alright. As I was walking down the street just now there was a pregnant puerto rican girl shouting to her family on the stoop, every other phrase was "white bitch." Then quick to look at me as I passed , hoping to illicit a response. I suppose the natives grow restless and tire of the constant gentrification that has swallowed the boroughs. I suppose that just like any swarm of immigrants, this swarm (made up of displaced, mostly white, middle class wannabe hipsters) must deal with its share of backlash. As I passed the thought of my sweet girlfriend having to deal with this kind of ugliness made my stomach turn, or perhaps that was just the cleanse diet. Two things come to mind, one - avoid loud ignorant people, two - never let that type of person pull you into their world, it is most likely a shitty one. Plus, if I was "The Man" that everyone refers to that is keeping them down, would I live in this neighborhood with the roaches and the cat pee smell?
No.
7:57 pm
---N
No.
7:57 pm
---N
day three
After my brackish breakfast beverage, my backside seemed a portal from another dimension. Nah, just kidding, I have always wanted to begin some prose with that sentence. In all seriousness however, this morning was perhaps my most unpleasant. Slight cramping and stomach aches kept me flushing for a good hour. Nothing painful mind you, just a bit more severe than previous days. Fear not my reader, my will is not swayed so easily. There will be more entries for garish eyes to devour. I also take this opportunity to apologize to you readers if you find these subjects to be unsettling. Then again a blog about colon cleansing might not be the obvious choice for the squeamish.
Let us stray from the subject for a brief moment or two. If you have been reading along with me since the beginning, you will remember me mentioning my not having energy to be annoyed. This has held true with one exception...the abomination known as "reggaeton." This is quite possibly the lowest one can go on the musical totem pole. Beneath the "crash test dummies" and "master p" all that hip hop crap, beneath "toad the wet sprocket" and "asia" you will find this whole genre, festering and pustulating with the old cigarette butts, dog hair and dirty wet leaves that you forgot to rake three summers ago. No where is this blight more concentrated than right were I live, in the armpit of Brooklyn, Bushwick. Perhaps I did not stray too far from the subject after all, I mean I am talking about excrement here. (Hiiiii-Ohhhhh!) (rimshot)
11:21 am
---N
Let us stray from the subject for a brief moment or two. If you have been reading along with me since the beginning, you will remember me mentioning my not having energy to be annoyed. This has held true with one exception...the abomination known as "reggaeton." This is quite possibly the lowest one can go on the musical totem pole. Beneath the "crash test dummies" and "master p" all that hip hop crap, beneath "toad the wet sprocket" and "asia" you will find this whole genre, festering and pustulating with the old cigarette butts, dog hair and dirty wet leaves that you forgot to rake three summers ago. No where is this blight more concentrated than right were I live, in the armpit of Brooklyn, Bushwick. Perhaps I did not stray too far from the subject after all, I mean I am talking about excrement here. (Hiiiii-Ohhhhh!) (rimshot)
11:21 am
---N
morning day three
Thanks to a boisterous and buzzer happy mail man, I was awakened at 7:30 am. I have not woken up before noon since I was in high school. There are few things as important to me as a serene awakening, I believe it sets the tone for the day. It is imperative. Regardless I am here, chattering away on the keyboard. This is day three, and in moments I will be awash in saltwater. From here on is where things become more interesting in my book. We have left shallow water and are swimming dutifully towards ravenousness. I actually do my best to postpone the salt water flush each morning, by sleeping in or writing about it, but in the end I am always 32oz heavier. On a good note however it looks as though I have sold another illustration, so that has brightened my spirits. The deeper you go the higher you fly.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
the second day ends
Hi there, it is about half past midnight. I type, then to the stove to heat the water. As the tea steeps, I will wash up for bed.
This second day was not difficult for me. It was far more taxing on my girlfriend. She was weak and listless. I seemed to have energy to spare. I even went out into the world, Wednesday is my league pool night. I hung out with no qualms, there was the occasional mild headache, or waft of food smell, but all in all it was not too bad. Watching people stuff their faces can be hard if you let it. When you see the junk they eat, it is not too difficult to rationalize your cravings back into the corner and go on drinking your lemonade.
As far as the eliminations are concerned, this mostly just happens in the morning. After the saltwater there is a period of a couple of hours where you spend most of your time in the loo. Again though this is expected, I mean the salt water has to come out somewhere. 32oz on an empty stomach after having a laxative before bed the previous night does not leave much to the imagination.
My body is starting to feel even better. I have noticed I feel lighter. I sprinted the 400 meter to the train like an olympian. I feel great already, I look forward to the rest of this cleanse. I can imagine how great I will feel towards the end. Again I hope that the eighth, ninth, and tenth days are as easy as the first two.
This second day was not difficult for me. It was far more taxing on my girlfriend. She was weak and listless. I seemed to have energy to spare. I even went out into the world, Wednesday is my league pool night. I hung out with no qualms, there was the occasional mild headache, or waft of food smell, but all in all it was not too bad. Watching people stuff their faces can be hard if you let it. When you see the junk they eat, it is not too difficult to rationalize your cravings back into the corner and go on drinking your lemonade.
As far as the eliminations are concerned, this mostly just happens in the morning. After the saltwater there is a period of a couple of hours where you spend most of your time in the loo. Again though this is expected, I mean the salt water has to come out somewhere. 32oz on an empty stomach after having a laxative before bed the previous night does not leave much to the imagination.
My body is starting to feel even better. I have noticed I feel lighter. I sprinted the 400 meter to the train like an olympian. I feel great already, I look forward to the rest of this cleanse. I can imagine how great I will feel towards the end. Again I hope that the eighth, ninth, and tenth days are as easy as the first two.
waking up for day two
Salt water is not delicious! Here I am again, drinking 32oz of salt water. I do not drink 32 oz of anything, let alone this crap. So again I am closing my eyes and thinking soup broth. That helps. My girlfriend was feeling very proud of herself last night having completed day one. I am of the opinion that we have not even started the difficult part yet. I would imagine that day one your body is still happy living off the stored calories. You just ate like twelve hours ago. Come day four or five, when you are far from the shore of mastication, your stomach is a gurgling fist and you have the bowel and bladder control of an eighty year old. Then we see what we are made of. As I type here I am almost half way through my breakfast. I am excited to see results though. I have heard of people dropping up to thirty pounds on this thing. I am not in it for the weight loss, but when I see my stomach muscles again I will not be complaining. The health benefits are untold. This diet helps soothe ulcers, cure allergies, clear skin, not to mention revitalize kidneys livers and colons. Apart from that, it provides an exercise in monastic discipline. Your cravings go away. Your cravings for smoke, drink, junk food. They melt away. You must be ready though, mentally. There is no forcing your way. It must be something you want. I sound like I am selling AmWay or something. Ha, anyway, after reading the book it just made sense to me. When something feels right, I am all the way into it.
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